Mexicans. Hate us or love us, we’re fucking everywhere. From the barrios of Los Angeles and Houston to suburban Midwest, you can throw a fortune cookie out your window and hit 9 Mexicans. Other than the president building a wall between us and the motherland, being a Mexican isn’t so bad, but it isn’t all sunshine and rainbows either. Below are some of the pros and cons of being Mexican:
PRO: We can watch NARCOS without the subtitles
The life and times of Pablo Escobar. Narcos is one of the most badass shows in the history of history. One of the cool parts of being mexican is those of us who are bilingual can watch spanish shows without the need for subtitles.
CON:All The Food is hot as fuck
Sure, there are dishes like enchiladas (which means full of chili) or tamales or tacos, which can be tolerable for even the most caucasian of tongues. But 99% of real authentic mexican dishes are simply piles of surface-of-the-sun temperature spice bombs, where even the slightest hint of flavor is overpowered by the brain melting heat of pureed peppers imported directly from hell. Real mexican food will turn your anus into a giant rectal canker sore.
PRO: Unhackable culture
Mexican heritage is rich in culture. From perfectly-creased dickies to lowriders throwing sparks as they scrape the ground, Chicano culture is alive and well and has been unshakable throughout the years. The American southwest is a hotbed for Mexican culture and once you experience it, it’s an experience unlike any other.
CON: All the women are batshit crazy
Vengeful women will slap you, hit you, scratch you, and even destroy your shit. But Mexican women are a whole new level of mental. A mexican woman will replace your mouth wash with pine sol, cut your brake lines, stab you with scissors, and then stab herself with the same scissors and call the police and say you did it. Then bail you out the next day and cook you a bomb ass dinner. Being in a relationship with a mexican woman is like a real life version of a Quinton Tarantino movie, you don’t know what the fuck is going to happen next.
PRO : There’s a food spell for everything
Have a fever? Rub an egg all over your body and put it under the bed. Have a cold? Put a slice of onion in your sock. Mexicans have their own brand of food sorcery that is sure to cure every ailment.
CON: We Have absolutely zero fucking concept of moderation
Theres a reason every mexican you know is either skinny and eats like a bird , or a Texan version of notorious BIG. The same reason they either don’t drink at all, or they have 2 cases of natural light gone before the sun comes up. Mexicans have zero concept of moderation, it’s all or nothing. This is a good thing when it comes to working hard and pursuing goals, but when it comes to vice this lack of moderation can be a caveat.
PRO: Mexicans are too busy fighting other mexicans to be prejudice against any other race.
George Lopez found himself on the hot seat and on my personal shit list recently. He said mexican families have two rules, don’t park in front of our house and dont marry a black person. He’s full of shit. Mexicans and blacks have been working together since the beginning of time and in Mexico and the American southwest it’s no different. Hit up a random barbecue in Texas and tell me mexicans dont marry blacks. Pedro is too worried about that pendejo cowboys fan talking shit about his raiders to worry about a black guy.